


i am holding this for you

by Princex_N



Category: My Own Private Idaho (1991)
Genre: Ableism, Caretaking, Chronic Illness, Cuddling & Snuggling, Fluff, Friendship/Love, Gen, Introspection, M/M, Narcolepsy, past bullying
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-14
Updated: 2020-09-14
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:20:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,191
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26464063
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Princex_N/pseuds/Princex_N
Summary: Mike's whole life has had being vulnerable as its only cornerstone and he gets tired of it sometimes, really.
Relationships: Scott Favor & Mike Waters, Scott Favor/Mike Waters
Comments: 1
Kudos: 41





	i am holding this for you

**Author's Note:**

> for most of this movie scotty really looked at mike and said "i will help take care of your body when you cannot" and my crippled dyke ass went fucking Bonkers for it dude

Mike wakes up in someone else's arms once again, still trapped in his head by a heavy fog of fatigue, but he knows it's Scott holding him like instinct and almost doesn't mind. 

His neck hurts from being craned back over Scott's arm, the wind is chilling the parts of his body not pressed against Scott's, and the sound of Scott's poetry is ringing hazily in his ears, and Mikey almost doesn't mind his body for once. 

He's wondered before if Scott ever really understands how much this kind of thing means to him, but Mike knows better than to offer the vulnerability without being asked. Mike's whole life has had being vulnerable as its only cornerstone and he gets tired of it sometimes, really. 

Most people treat his condition like a joke, and Mike lets them - even joins in sometimes if he's in the right mood for it - because it's better than admitting the bone deep terror he's still not quite used to. He wonders if he shouldn't _be_ adjusted to it all by now somehow, already twenty-one years used to it all, but he's never quite been able to see how he could be. It's always been one of those things that never gets easier, and Mike isn't sure if he's ever really gotten better at dealing with it either. 

Besides Scott, Richard's really the only one who ever bothered to give a damn about where Mike wound up when his brain gave out on him. Even _he_ would just find a bench or something to dump Mike on every once in a while, those times when hauling him along or back home just wouldn't work out. By now, Mike knows that was probably as safe as anything - most people around town knew of him well enough to not let anyone but Dick haul him away before he woke up - but back then it was always just scary. Disorienting to wake up alone in a new place, no idea how long it had been or how long it would take Dick to get back, unable to leave without the risk of getting himself lost somewhere worse. 

School, back when Mikey still went, wasn't really any better. Teachers usually would just leave him where he landed once they realized they couldn't just wake him back up again, but classmates were what Mike always had to watch out for. They made games out of who could get him to black out fastest, who could make the latest attack last longest, going through his pockets or taking markers to his skin just to have more reason to laugh at him more later. 

Streets weren't really any better once Mike wound up there, but at least _most_ of the others at Jane's place would leave his cash alone while they stole whatever else might be kept in his pockets, and none of them ever tended to own markers, let alone use them. 

Scott's always been different somehow, and Mike doesn't really know what to do with it all. Scott's been different from the start, something about him setting him apart from all the other street kids in one way or another, and the first time Mike woke up in Scott's arms was as bewildering as it was practically holy. The mocking of all the other boys laughing about how Mikey'd gotten himself a guard dog couldn't rob that reverence for a moment. 

It's not the only reason Mike fell for him, but it was one of the first. 

Mike barely had the words to explain back then - so unused to anyone actually sticking around to ask instead of just taking what they wanted and running off - but Scott had somehow taken his stuttering mess and brought back all the elegant words to make it all sound equal parts serious and standard to anyone else that bothered to express curiosity. Mike's never really around to hear it, but he hears it second-hand from people who recognize him and watch out for him now they know, and he appreciates it more than he'll say. 

There's a lot Mikey probably won't ever be able to say. He hates it just as much as he doesn't really mind, but he and Scott are just cut from different cloths and sometimes that's just how things have to be. 

(Mike would maybe want to change it, but the problem is that he's not sure Scott would want to, so he keeps it to himself either way.) 

But even when Scott can't stick around to watch Mike until he wakes up, he finds somewhere safe to hide him. Leaves behind a jacket or a bracelet or whatever else he might have on his person so that Mikey knows who left him, knows probably on one else had a chance to touch him. Mike will gather himself up and bring whatever it was right back to Scott, just another excuse to bring them back together until work or whatever else pulls them back apart. 

(Somehow, through it all, Scott never tries to tell Mike what not to do. The teachers that would sometimes care enough to try and help who wouldn't let him out of the classroom or onto the playground or even walk home on his own. Reprimanding him for trying to do the same shit as other kids. Scott is always there with that little concerned furrow between his eyebrows, and he holds Mike like something gentle until he wakes up whenever he can, but he never tries to act like he knows better. Mike fell in love with that pretty quick too.) 

Mike's body finally lets him shift, squinting open his eyes against the sunlight while he tries to remember where he'd dropped off this time. Scott shifts his arm to look Mike in the face, smiling at whatever he sees there, and Mike can't quite mirror the expression back at him but seeing it still lights something warm deep in his stomach. 

"Hey," Mike says muzzily, hiking his head up onto Scott's shoulder properly, grimacing at the way his neck cracks against the movement. Scott doesn't protest the indulgence, just pulls him a little closer and lets Mike regain his bearings in the safe warmth of his arms, rambling a little about this or that, maybe aware of how his voice grounds Mike or maybe not. 

Mike closes his eyes and breathes, able to wake up slowly for once instead of having to work up into a whirlwind of anxiety for one reason or another. Scott's voice in his ear, the smell of him in his nose, hair brushing against the skin of Mike's temple. 

He wonders if Scott knows how much this means to him. He almost hopes so, but he knows it's one of those things he'll probably never actually say out loud. 

It's sadder that way, maybe, but it's safer too. 

Sometimes out here, safe's the thing you have to settle for. 

(With a brain and a body like Mike's, safe's the bare minimum that's still too hard to reach. Scott helps keep him safe, and Mike couldn't ask for anything more than that.) 

**Author's Note:**

> [my tumblr](http://www.princex-n.tumblr.com)


End file.
